one thing women need to learn today is respect
don't ask a straight man if he is gay
it is offensive
my aunt asked me if i was gay like 2 weeks ago and a girl asked me if i was gay like a few days ago
there is nothing gay about me at all.. you all know this because you see me on my youtube videos
you know how i act, i don't act gay or look gay or dress gay or anything
so why disrespect me like that?
you really think that is funny? or you really think every black man is "down low" ?
stop disrespecting us real men seriously its not funny and it gets you put on the invisible "sh*t list".. we men are perceptive and we separate women by their words and actions.. i know you women think men only think with their sexual organs but that isn't true for all of us
you only make yourself look stupid when you ask us these questions
i have not compromised anything, i wear men's clothing, i walk like a man, i don't even have one ear pierced when a lot of men have both.. i don't have a nose ring, i don't have colored contacts, i don't have a weird hair cut, i don't talk with a lisp, i don't do interior design, i don't sit around watching tyler perry movies and beyonce videos.. beyonce came to town the other week and i was not interested in the least bit
there is nothing gay about me at all.. you women try to be funny and end up with egg on your face
you disrespect us men when we don't do the same to you.. why would i go up to a woman who is minding her own business trying to do what she does and ask her if she is a lesbian?
if she's not riding motorcycles or bench pressing or wearing baggy oversized clothing with a short hair cut then why would i approach her like that? seriously
does it make sense for me to walk up to a cute, curvy woman in a sundress and ask her if she's a lesbian?
that is appalling.. i mean if you really want to know then get close to that person, but if they aren't giving off that vibe then don't ask them because that is offensive
i'm serious that gay shit disgusts me .. i mean it really does.. i don't like my name and gay used in the same sentence it is just 100% DISGUSTING.. if you want men to dislike you, question their masculinity
but why would you just walk around life wanting people to dislike you?
what is the point?
women today are so stupid it is mind boggling
i mean nothing they do ever goes under scrutiny
this girl at my job for example yesterday asked a guy if his girlfriend was a blow up doll in front of everyone
then she alluded to him being ugly
now i want you to switch that around, what if a guy said that to a girl.. would people have laughed?
stop disrespecting us men seriously
in this entry i want to talk about the top 3 "weirdest" females i know
these are in no particular order
i don't know why i'm doing this btw.. i just feel like doing it
exhibit A. devon
devon is odd because when i met her she came off as extremely well adjusted and 'normal' but she isn't... AT ALL
she is a reminder to me that people shouldn't intimidate you because a lot of people who seem perfect or seem to have attained a lot of things are still insecure or fake
i'm not saying she's insecure or fake at all (cuz she's not), i'm just saying that knowing she is pretty much 80% diff than what i first perceived shows me this can be the case with anyone i come across
in a day and age where women wear pant-suits and often boss people around for a living, its good to know looks can be deceiving
i remember reading a bart simpson book when i was like 10 (i think it was called bart simpson's guide to life or something) that boys act stupid and crazy for attention and girls act smart and perfect
i never forgot that, and i still believe its true.. this is why when girls are going through something, you find that you are the last to know
devon was and possibly still is like that a lot..
"what do you mean you cut yourself?"
"what do you mean you've been in therapy for years?"
"what do you mean you enjoy watching the home shopping network just to hear the talking?"
just weird things you don't expect to hear or see.. like peeling back layers and thinking you can predict the next one but you can't lol
exhibit B. espranza
espranza thinks like a guy
i don't know how many times she told me she doesn't want a wedding.. she wants to just go to the courthouse and immediately go home and get it cracken
that is how men think
i remember i took a liking to her years ago and i asked her if she wanted to make it official and be a couple and she said something like "no but we can date" ..
considering she liked me, her family liked me, and we were on the same level, same religion, etc... this was vastly confusing to me.. aren't girls normally the ones who want the 'titles' to go along with their relationships?
not this one!
she doesn't have the same desires or interests as normal women.. she thinks very practically instead of emotionally
she has a 'take it or leave it' attitude but its not the superficial kind women get via osmosis from beyonce songs after a bad breakup.. its a legitimate I DONT CARE from her heart
i pulled away from her one day after she explained to me that she always forgets her friends birthdays and sometimes just doesn't answer the phone
it just got to where i realized this was really how she was.. like "whatever" personified
so after not talking to her for a long time she texted me one day out of the blue and i was surprised she still had my phone number
then one day i got busy and i said to her "sorry i haven't really talked to you in the past few days" .. do you know what she said back to me?
"its ok, remember the time i didn't talk to you for 2 years?"
considering she tells me i'm one of her 'real' friends.. that sh*t is seriously weird
and to be honest, i really don't know how i feel about that.. but knowing her... i accept it
exhibit C. cassy
cassy gave me my name 'pool boy' years ago
ok she has good weird and bad weird
her good weird is that she is white but she goes to trayvon martin rallies.. this sort of behavior shows that she understands the world from a sociological standpoint.. it also shows that she is selfless to an extent
these^ things are weird/peculiar in a good way
her qualities that are weird in a bad way are she carries herself with a certain arrogance that is highly unmerited
the bible talks about how some people who are rich think they have no need for the Lord and His word but in reality they are "wretched, pitiful, poor, blind, and naked"
this is somewhat what i think about when i see cassy
for example she always seems to think she knows the answer to your problems before you even finish telling her the whole scenario.. meanwhile her life is like a huge trainwreck
and describing someone's life as a trainwreck sounds harsh but you'd understand if i explained it
she is the type of person who can't really take advice, she can only give it.. this puts her at an extreme disadvantage in life because she has to learn everything the hard way
the other day for example, she said she told guy #1 that she had sex with guy #2.. and she wondered why guy #1 was upset about it..
she said to me: "james, he told me i'm having sex with 3 black guys" (himself included) as if he really disrespected her
i'm thinking.. YOU ARE HAVING SEX WITH 3 BLACK GUYS.. lol
that would be like me getting upset that some girl says i live with my parents.. i f*cking DO live with my parents.. getting mad at the truth is a sign of delusion
i think she was raised by her dad which is why she thinks the way she thinks.. i feel bad for her sometimes
she thinks she has it together but she doesn't.. like the other day she said this:
"i want to get to the point where i don't want a man.. i mean i'm a busy person so i'm fine by myself.. i just get three pillows, put one between my legs, i hug one, and put the other on my side.. i'm fine being alone"
i'm thinking.. really? and on top of that, just a half hour before she said this, she told me how she couldn't wait for school to be back in session.. in other words she tries to act like her life is full of activity and meaning but it isn't..
she is forcefully occupying herself.. hiding behind a facade of "i'm busy so my life is not empty" when in reality she is vastly overweight which loudly proclaims "MY VOID IS NOT FILLED!!!"
she sadly clutches delusions that sate her only for a moment
if i were to give a final thought- i'd say this..
try to appreciate who a person is under the surface if possible
they might appear diff or peculiar but that doesn't mean they are bad or not worthwhile
you might be able to help them, or they might be able to help you, or you two might just have fun together
weird is not necessarily bad.. and even if it IS bad, its not necessarily on purpose!
so today i feel somewhat low.. i feel like i really need some help finding a woman
i have been trying to get close to crystal but it never seems to work
the other day i was outside and she came out so i walked up to her and i was beginning to talk to her and everything was cool then the instructor guy came out, barged in on our conversation and started talking about some f*cking movie
i cannot begin to tell you how upset i got about this considering i have to hear his dumbass jokes 8 hours a day 40 hours a week already
then after this- at another time, i tried to sit by her and before we ever got any down time (so i could talk to her) she moved! so i look and i see her sitting somewhere else and i'm like oh u don't wanna sit by me? she's like "i can't see the projector"
am i seriously that bad of a guy? like come on man
i'm not asking for much, i just need enough time to have a decent conversation
i have more to say about my love and 'pursuit' of crystal but lets move on because this entry will be depressing enough without the finer details
so i somewhat got a little interested in a diff girl named lydia at work.. at first i was wholly unimpressed but once she started dressing like a girl (stopped wearing jeans/t-shirts) i began to see she had a few decent traits like some curves and also she is honest
well i asked her if she was single yesterday and she said "yes and no" .. she went on to elaborate and explained she is having sex with a married man
ok so i have two 'far away' girls i'd like to talk to (met them online) but guess what?
i got paid yesterday and i already have less than $40.. how is this possible?
mainly car insurance.. i'd love to go visit these girls who stay further out but it would be unwise of me to do this knowing that the money spent on gas would tap me out.. so i find myself at home today typing this.. wishing i had a girl to hang out with, talk to, and look at
...i don't know what to do man, seriously!
i need a girl! and you know what irks me? every single f*cking time i say that outloud, then someone says "you don't need a girl"
really? so what do i need then? to sit around and be alone all day every day? i need to 'look-but-don't-touch' every f*cking day of my life? is that what i need, asshole? huh?
i mean talk about insult to injury!
and its always women who say this so that tells me THEY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE A MAN
IM SORRY BUT WE MEN ACTUALLY LIKE WOMEN OK!?
I GUESS THATS A STRETCH FOR YOU WOMEN TO UNDERSTAND
oh and another thing
everyone tells me i should have a girl and i'm attractive and i seem like a good guy and i could have whoever i want
thank you for saying such nice things but WALK A DAY IN MY SHOES
if i'm such a cool guy then why can't i get any girls? like seriously i even invited a girl out for coffee today and she's like "maybe" .....
"maybe" ? really?
don't ever be a cheerleader because your enthusiasm sucks ass
i'm going to go on record right now and say to anyone reading this.. if you know what i'm doing wrong.. please leave a comment and tell me how and what to change so i can have a girl in my life
i am not too proud to ask for advice i really need help
so today at work i came outside during lunch and five-head was standing there on the phone
tyrell was just next to her hanging out
so i'm walking down the sidewalk and i notice five-head's booty because she's wearing these tight pants and her butt is huge
i just keep walking and i'm drinking water and next thing i know, tyrell looks at me and says "just keep your eyes on the walkway"
DUDE.. i busted out laughing so hard i spit all that water out and just about choked
it was crazy because i was trying to walk normally and act like i'm not noticing that booty but once i spit all that water out it was over for me LOL
before i start let me remind you this is not a blog, a while back i explained that i felt this site changed from a blog site to an 'open diary'.. its still an open diary.
with that said.. chill as i randomly talk about what's going on in my life
i feel that i have jinxed a few things in my life by talking about them openly.. i will try to stop doing that ... BUUUUT
probably not right now.
with THAT said.. i really like this girl at my job named crystal.. she is gorgeous, i love her voice, her height, shape, she believes in God, she is laid back.. i am thoroughly impressed
i have a history of basically falling all over myself when talking to women so i'm trying to just talk to her little by little.. this is the first time in my life where i've tried to just be subtle and slick.. it is very odd.. i am trying to plot and plan each interaction but who knows where that will lead
i already feel that word might get around that i like her, so i don't know what will happen.. i am just going to approach this the bible way which is faith and works
there's a cool guy at my job named tyrell.. we give certain girls at my job nicknames so that we can talk about them without other people knowing who we're talking about
we nicknamed one girl five-head because her forehead is so big its a five-head
tyrell likes five-head
anyway i wrote a rap diss to him tonight.. here's what i wrote
you're a tall midget, in other words a stepping stone/
i'ma smash five-head then i'm headin home/
you wack as f*ck and that's why i've had enough/
so wrap it up and pack your stuff so you can catch the bus/
five-head turnin tricks while i make it rain/
tyrell in the scope while i'm takin aim/
lately i've been thinking about God a lot
i keep thinking about what He expects of me
i want to live up to everything i need to be but to be honest lately i just keep thinking i come up short
i really want to get closer to God but today i was thinking about this segment i wrote in a song that seems to explain my thoughts on why its difficult to get close to God
"what is life when your time's disguised as just tasks?/
the complex design, no guy can unmask/"
in other words, i was saying: how can you really ever understand life when you're always chasing money or an education or going grocery shopping, or whatever ? there's always some frivolous task to do that takes focus off of God.. and as a result we are left in the dark, we can't unmask the mysteries of life and how we are supposed to conduct ourselves
i will just have to read my bible more.. you gotta start somewhere
today at work this girl wore a leopard print bra
she started work at about a 5.5
then just by familiarity she went up to about a 6.5
that leopard print bra she wore today brought her to an 8.
i legit went from like no interest to standing at attention in more ways than one.. wowzers
i met a girl on plenty of fish who is actually pretty cool .. her name is elise
elise is different from other girls because she actually offers good conversation
i never knew how boring women were until i really amped up my flirting
i always thought it was me ruining things but now i see that some of these women just really aren't worth anything.. they attract you but when you talk to them there's nothing there..
elise on the other hand is a great conversationalist and she makes me feel wanted.. she doesn't have that whole take it or leave it attitude, she does nice things like send me pictures of herself, or today she took a pic of a rainbow and sent it to me.. i didn't care about it but the point is she thought about me enough to send it.. basically she doesn't make me feel like i'm bothering her
^women maybe take notes?
anyway that's all i have for now
over n out
so over a span of about 2 weeks i compiled every profile i liked on plentyoffish.com
i messaged all of them the other night
it actually worked.. here's a pic of my email i took a minute ago
any male who uses plenty of fish.. this is my advice to you:
browse the site in your spare time and keep all the usernames of the girls you like.. do this until you get 25 to 30 girls
then when you're ready to contact all of them in one night, sit down and bring each one up with a username search
each time you bring one up, obviously leave her a message saying whatever it is you want to say
another thing you might want to do is pull up google maps and click 'directions' .. type your address in the top bar and in the 2nd bar type in any city to figure out if the girl is too far or not
if she's more than 40 minutes away just don't contact her, or just tell her she's cute and leave it at that
if she's within 40 minutes then send a legit message
men, this is probably one of the only ways you can make a dating site work for you.. if you don't use this method then you might find yourself very frustrated because women get tons and tons of attention from thirsty men but men barely get looked at even when they are trying their best
use this method i am giving you to use numbers to your advantage
you can literally go from zero attention to talking to 5 girls in a matter of hours.. and remember, these are all girls that you have already deemed attractive!
hey peeps i got a job!
just coming through to let my non-existent readers know the deal
i was getting a little discouraged there for a minute, because i was feeling like my efforts weren't yielding results but now i'm back in the game
i am trying not to tell anyone around me because everyone will either criticize or inundate me with questions.. i really just want to get to work, start making money, and move forward in my life.. i have legit plans and this is not a destination, its a vehicle if that makes any sense
if anyone wants advice on looking for work my advice is follow every lead, follow up with people, and follow through with your efforts
the resource or person you thought about skipping over might be the one that will yield fruit
anyway i'm out
so i was on a social website and some guy started talking to me.. he didn't have a picture up and his name was john doe so he was deep undercover or some ish
i was like what do u want because i'm not gay
he was like "i'm not gay either, i'm bi"
you're really going to say that like its a rebuttal?
i blocked him
speaking of gay.. i just thought about this today....
i better not ever hear a lesbian chick say ANYTHING about a man having a small penis
you apparently don't need a penis to be 'satisfied' so i better not hear about you criticizing them
how an average sized penis could possibly be worse than no penis is quite perplexing
i've noticed when i talk to certain people i can't shake the feeling that they are lying or hiding something
this is mostly just from women who want to withhold information or tell me what they think i want to hear
i've noticed they also sometimes say things that don't line up
i don't say much about these things to anyone but myself because if i ever say "i think you're lying" then i'll likely get another lie that sounds closer to the truth than the last one which will leave me blind and/or confused..
so instead i just listen and gather info but honestly you barely need to even do that, because you can FEEL that uneasiness.. and your hunches as to what is going on are all likely true
i really dislike it when i sense these things.. its a real turn off because i just flat-out don't like the feeling of being lied to or having the wool pulled over my eyes
its funny because people who lie to you think they are getting away with it, but they're not.
i don't mean to direct this at women but i somewhat have to only because i only look at females when i'm on social sites.. but i'm aware this is not just women at all
one picture pose i hate seeing is when women stick their tongue out
why do people do that!?
it is so gross and disgusting and honestly there's something freaky, weird, or perhaps even satanic about it
i'd say 40% of all pictures taken with a tongue sticking out are accompanied by the devil horns hand sign
also satan is depicted as a snake, serpent, and dragon- all of which have constantly protruding tongues
also there is just something very disgusting about a long tongue
KEEP YOUR TONGUE IN YOUR MOUTH
WHY WOULD YOU TAKE A PICTURE LIKE THAT!?
before i go, here's another pose i hate that women sometimes do
ok first of all, you almost can't even tell she's a girl.. why are you wearing a baseball cap AND wearing a wife-beater type shirt, AND posing like a man
why do you want to show off your muscles LIKE A MAN!!!?
what part of your biceps is attractive? seriously look me in the face and tell me
smh.. why do a masculine pose?
you doing that pose is like me doing this
why would i post a pic of myself in a girly pose?
what kind of sense does that make?
common sense should say if you're a woman on a dating site looking for men then you should project femininity
i have a lot more to say however i decided to post this now and post the rest at a later date
holla at me peeps
i want to have sex so bad its not even funny
put yourself in my shoes i've never had sex in my entire life
i am trying to live the christian lifestyle but its not exactly the most fun thing in the world right now
i don't want to be a fornicator or an adulterer or a person who is sexually immoral or even lustful
honestly i think most people are at least one of those things today
i don't want to be anything that would make God upset... even though i probably do some things that God doesn't want me to do- i still don't want to add anything to the list of things i already screw up on
i want to just wait for marriage like i'm supposed to and i want to get married ONE TIME and never get divorced
i just want to do things the right way
this is not exactly easy when you wake up and your penis is harder than f*cking adamantium
oh and another thing.. loneliness amplifies the desires and i am lonely as f*ck
i've been trying to call someone for days and every time i call they are at a concert or watching fireworks or deep sea diving or some sh*t that makes it so they have to hang up
i'll tell u what though
a girl better not marry me
because whoever does is really going to get plowed to DEATH
say goodbye to your vagina FOREVER because my wang feels like a loaded machine gun right now
update the next morning:
ended up having a sex dream last night.. my feelings are so strong they're following me into unconsciousness
for future reference, "under pressure" is my new way of saying "horny"