this is definitely not the most important thing in the world however i want to talk about how i feel about my looks
i've been having a hard time over the past say.. 2 years dealing with the way i look i feel like my looks have been changing (making me look more like a man than a boy) and i've gotten fatter i'm not sure which one has been affecting my looks more.. the weight issue or the maturing issue.. because honestly it could just be one and not both.. but my theory is that its some measure of both now.. lately i've been becoming more comfortable with the way i look why? how? one thing i want to quickly make very clear a big part of how you see yourself has to do with the people you're around if people don't appreciate you on some level then that will likely have an effect on your self-image SO.. with that said.. one of the most important parts of liking who you are is GETTING AWAY FROM PEOPLE WHO BELITTLE YOU recently i met a girl and only 2 or 3 days into us talking we had a conversation that went like this: her: "how tall are you?" me: 5'7 her: "are you sure you're not any taller than that?" me: what? her: "you seemed taller than that, all my brothers are tall" me: okkkaaaaayyy..... sooo.. is my height a problem? her: *says something to try to save face* don't bother.. the damage is done.. guess what b*tch? i'm not one of your brothers sometimes i play things like this off but generally they tend to irk me.. i get tired of people making me feel inadequate.. if you don't like me then don't talk to me.. don't chill with me.. don't invite me places.. live your life.. don't bring me in just to belittle me i'm not saying AGREE with everything i do i'm saying make a decision now to be a blessing or a burden in my life.. if you don't like me then fine! but you're not going to just make me feel less-than every day and the thing is i could've pointed to things on her i didn't like but i never did that! i never compared her to someone else or hinted that something she can't change 'just wasn't good enough' smh.. i don't get why people are so wack sometimes look.. let me get off this subject.. my point is.. one of the main things you will have to do in order to have a decent self-image is to get away from these negative people who don't allow you to be you i repeat IF THEY DONT APPRECIATE YOU FOR YOU THEN GET AWAY FROM THEM honestly the comments about my height made any interest i had in her go to zero FAST.. like you have no idea how little tolerance i have for that kind of garbage.. i will not only get away from you but i'll also completely resent you if you want me to be something i'm not then you want someone else.. so GO AWAY moving on.. the other thing that has helped me to come to grips with my looks is i changed my hair.. i dyed it blonde and then i got it cut into a sort of mohawk so the sides are black and the middle is now reddish after a few weeks i got a few negative comments but i started to get some positive ones.. honestly either way i don't care what i'm saying is.. try to get used to doing things for YOURSELF sometimes.. if someone says "i don't like your shoes" then say (both to them and to yourself) "well its a good thing they're not your feet then huh?" remember, anything you do is for you.. if people don't like it then they either have to get used to it or go away.. don't allow people to control you by their comments and disapprovals.. by staying true to yourself and staying in your own driver's seat- you can feel good about your decisions.. just take ownership of what you are and what you do another thing.. this one is more personal than the previous two i am beginning to like my "new" body i've been skinny for years.. but for the past about 2 yrs or so i've thickened up with my height and thickness i almost have a stocky build.. i'm actually starting to kinda like this about myself.. being somewhat stocky is actually kinda cool to me.. its a look i can work around and get used to and even accentuate i had to get away from people dissing me tho to see the positive sides of looking different than i did in the past overall.. i want to say this a big part of me LOVES it when people diss me for something i can't change because it is an instant indicator that they are not worth my time when i say that^ i am 100,000% serious. its like dealing with racist people.. if i know ur racist then that makes my life easier because i know not to go around you or try to be nice to you or anything because you will always repay me with contempt.. its just better to know upfront when people reject you.. so when girls say things like "you're BLANK, but all my ex boyfriends were BLANK" ..then i know not to waste my time on her.. i can go on about my business and she can go on about hers- trying to recreate the past somehow lol.. trying to reincarnate her ex-boyfriend in some unsuspecting simp in a lot of ways i'm thankful when people express their negative opinions of me.. i've learned to believe them the first time and it makes my life, relationships, and my personal circle of friends much more enjoyable and stable.. and like i said earlier.. it helps me to have and maintain a positive self image overall i guess you could say the main message here is.. prune your garden because the fruits of said garden will indeed affect you
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December 2012
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