one of the reasons i took a break from writing in here for a few days was to try and let some time pass.. to stop "complaining"
i have been in a really bad mood for pretty much all of this year so far and i don't want to bore everyone to death with how much i hate everything however the bottom line is i feel like there is something horribly wrong with my life and i don't know what to do i don't remember life ever feeling this bleak and hopeless life isn't enjoyable to me right now, and i don't know if anyone understands this.. like when i say life isn't enjoyable, i mean like i wake up in the morning and immediately i want to go back to sleep its not TODAY, its EVERYDAY.. its like some dark cloud that follows me everywhere and i don't know how to make it go away sooo.. today i saw this comment on a website.. it was a comment concerning my all-time favorite movie "office space" this movie, as well as the person who left the comment, both seem to understand what i go through everyday i am blessed and everything, but severely lacking in the area of personal fulfillment anyway here's the comment i saw.. it seems to explain my life better than i can: Too many people live to work - shackling themselves to a soulless job, thinking that it will be worth it all when the future comes. But it's delusional, they don't realize what they are sacrificing, which is their state of happiness. It's madness. We mindlessly trade the bulk of our life for something that is only a glimpse on the faraway horizon, and we carry on entranced in an existence of mediocrity and despondence- living as a slave to the system. All with the keys to freedom tightly secured in our hand. We just forget that we are holding them. "We don't have a lot of time on this earth! We weren't meant to spend it this way. Human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles staring at computer screens all day, filling out useless forms and listening to eight different bosses drone on about mission statements." This film portrays it all, and there's also a few good laughs. Definitely an inspiring cult classic. this describes what i feel like like i'm lost in this abyss just wandering around without a grip on anything.. or like the israelites in the Bible who remained in a transitional period for 40yrs i don't kno.. i just wish i could get a grip on things or have direction or something i find it all hard to explain how about this.. think about the happiest person u kno... ok now think about the opposite of that person (insert pool boy here) i really just want change for the better i feel like i'm exhausted, and not physically.. but just on a higher level that is intangible like my spirit and soul are flat-out parched.. and its hard to explain that in words and the reader says: "sounds like somebody's got a case of the mondays" oh well.. it is what it is u all keep it bonkers
2 Comments
Giles
3/8/2011 05:00:31 am
Rite there with you.I honestly came dangerously close to saying f*ck it and not coming from under my covers this morning.What helps me out is to try to stay in the moment.Even tho the moment usually sucks what I find often makes it sucks worse is when I start thinking too far ahead and thinking about how the future will suck too.Staying in the moment(not in a hedonistic way but an emoptional one) kinda helps you keep a subconcious window open for future change for the better.
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teh pool boy
3/8/2011 06:02:51 am
thanks for leavin a comment i'm glad someone understands.. also thanks for the advice.. i am at a point where i'm willing to try anything so thanks for that, i'll try to just think about life on a daily basis like u said and i'm sure it will help!
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December 2011
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