one thing i've been thinking about is like.. career choices
i think this is part of the reason i've been having so much trouble this year
its like my brain never stops.. it won't shut off because subconsciously i continually think "what am i doing here?" "what am i going to do when i graduate?" "am i just wasting the time and money it takes to go to college or will this pay off?"
when i went to counseling i told the guy this and he said its a symptom of anxiety and he said i need to figure some things out in my life
he told me to figure out my top problems and we may not get the solutions right now but we'll work on it
one thing about music i think about is like.. people have to generally like u in order for them to buy ur album
well i like to just be myself.. i don't want the burden of trying to please people
like if someone asks me a question i want to answer it truthfully and not just in a way that would be politically correct
this is a problem i have with the entertainment industry
people are just doing and saying whatever will get them the most fans, ticket sales, album downloads, etc
well i really don't care about that ish
like yesterday for example.. i just happened to be looking at an artist's interview on youtube.. (the interview took place like 2 months ago)
in the interview he was described as a huge rap artist in the uk and he recently came to the states for a tour and they were saying he's really doing big things
they said he's got a big following in the uk, and now doors are opening for him in america and things are looking good for his career
the interviewer asked him how he got to where he is.. and he basically said a lot of hard work and also his blog helped him because fans were able to keep in touch with him
so out of curiosity i went to his blog and when i got there here's what i saw
pyramids and all-seeing eyes^
so i'm sitting here thinking.. is hard work and determination the key to success in this industry? ..or is it trend-following and willingness to compromise who and what u are to fit into the evil and subversive agendas of today?
i'd answer that its more about the latter than the former
i look at his career and i see he is willing to do things that i refuse to do.. i refuse to align myself with all this stuff that's going on
i don't perceive him as an artist, i perceive him as a puppet, and that is something i am just unwilling to be
if i was in his shoes and the record executive told me my album artwork would have pyramids and all seeing eyes on it, i'd say well good luck with that because i quit
but this guy just accepts it.. by accepting this artwork to me its like he's accepting everything else, his content, subject matter, style of dress, everything is and will continue to be in line with all these new age illuminati satanic agendas
i refuse to partake in that.. i'm not going to give politically correct answers to questions, i'm not going to rap about being in clubs, smoking weed, i'm not going to perpetuate black stereotypes, i'm not going to do any of that stuff
so the question arises.. is there a place in music for a person like me to make a living? can integrity be lucrative in today's society? can a person who is unwilling to go against his core values make a living in a creative industry today?
i don't know.. as i look around i'm not really seeing any avenues for that at the moment
so what am i going to ultimately do for a living then.. ?
to be continued...