so tonight i met a guy who is in worse shape than i am
i say that as humbly as possible
he's a really cool and nice guy but wow.. its like..
u know how u deal with problems in life because of ur own flaws, shortcomings, hangups, ideas, and confusion?
well yeah i saw myself in this guy as he spoke about his life.. we had similar issues but his seemed worse
for one he is 4 yrs older than me, 2 he can't get dates or talk to women or escalate to a kiss or show interest, 3 he is confused about life
again, i say all of this as humbly as possible because i have dealt with a lot of these exact same issues
i want to just break down some of these issues this guy has
i know he won't read this but i want to just speak on some of this.. these are just common male issues
(btw for anyone wondering, i am speaking of a guy i met tonight at a friend's house.. we had a long conversation about life and he exposed a lot about himself)
ok i'm just going to talk about this guy's issues in no particular order.. i've dealt with them i'm not saying i've mastered them but i've dealt with them all in some capacity and i have some insight
talking to girls:
the main things i've learned are as follows
as men we buy into the movies and the media and what people tell us.. but it is all wrong.. be yourself truly is the best advice u can follow
when i say be yourself what i mean is exude your own essence.. what makes u YOU? if ur not cool DONT TRY TO BE COOL if ur not funny DONT TRY TO BE FUNNY.. if u are direct BE DIRECT
for example.. u may see a girl and u may want to say something simple like "hey ur cute my name is blank how r u today" ... but u will probably re-think that and try to come up with something clever.. but being urself means DONT RE-THINK IT.. just say that first thing.. what comes natural to u
getting a date:
show interest from the beginning.. see if u show interest from the beginning she will likely be expecting u to ask her out.. so half the battle is over as long as u show interest in the beginning
don't talk to her like a platonic friend because that will make u seem weird and when u ask for a date after talking to her like a platonic friend she will be like "wtf?"
escalating to a kiss or intimacy:
atmosphere and moment.. these can be attained and created rather easily.. either naturally or on purpose
get her in a romantic mood by igniting romantic feelings.. small touches (like say an intentional grab and rub of her hand) lead to more direct affection like maybe a hug.. personally i think u can go for a kiss easily sometimes.. however if u are frightened just kiss her neck and move to her lips
another thing i want to point out:
this guy i met tonight.. he described a few chances he had with women and he called himself an idiot like 10 times.. he was saying things like "i'm such an idiot that i didn't get the hint" or "i always end up in the friend zone cuz i'm an idiot"
i told him straight up look man i'm not an expert on anything but u gotta stop calling urself an idiot
see as men a lot of times we think we are wrong when women turn us down.. we think maybe if we were more suave or if we knew more about women then we wouldn't fail.. but that is a wrong way of thinking
just try and if it doesn't work then hey.. cool, it was a learning experience.. don't wrap all ur self-worth up in one experience..
every single time this guy failed with a girl he rewarded himself with an insult "i'm an idiot" "i fcked that up terribly" etc. etc.
i told him just don't do that anymore.. if he takes my advice he will soon realize that he doesn't have a problem.. he is a male..
see a lot of guys think they have a problem.. they reason "i can't get a girl cuz i'm a nerd" or some ish
well the truth is, that girl ur looking at across the room needs u.. whether ur a nerd, a jock, a pothead, a Christian or whatever.. why?
BECAUSE U ARE A MAN, AND YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO HER
no matter what the outcome ends up being.. without u, her life is worthless, so take pride in that
as i said.. the guy was confused about life
my thing with that is this.. ok number one, TRUST ME WHEN I SAY I'VE BEEN THROUGH IT
ur a guy and u want to one day be the head of a family.. problem is, u are confused about ur own beliefs
who is God? is there a God? is God only in Christianity or is He also in other religions? should i be an atheist? what belief should i commit my mind to? what is important to pursue in life? why am i here?
the list goes ON AND ON.. its a very serious thing because like i said u want to one day be the head of a family but u haven't even settled on your own beliefs so how are u going to lead a family... and beyond that how are u going to settle on a woman if u are not settled on your beliefs?
who do u choose if u have not settled on your core beliefs yet? if u have no belief foundation u are subject to just picking up any old sort of thinking pattern because your brain was never meant to be empty.. ur core beliefs will affect every decision u make in life.. so until u settle on them u won't know where to live, who or what to devote ur time to, who to marry, or anything
so really how can u have a girl if u have no core beliefs?
it won't last because u will be unsure of yourself and we all know how much women love men who are unsure of themselves
so the thing is u need to search out truth.. and u need to find it before u go out with any more girls because each time u date a girl and u have no core beliefs u are playing urself... this is what people mean when they say find yourself.. so find yourself and THEN find a mate
to find yourself that is up to u how u search but in my opinion i say cry out to God and pray that He will reveal Himself to you.. that is my advice.. however if u want to just read a bunch of books or whatever.. go right ahead.. but the point is u MUST find who u are and what u believe and u must be solid in that belief before u search for a mate
its just ur duty as a man
wow i didn't think i'd say that much but this is all the stuff i would've liked to tell that guy tonight.. i really felt his frustration emanating off of his body
he would probably be surprised to kno the answers are not as far away as he thinks