a number of things hit me and led me to a certain conclusion
let me first explain the things that happened 1. i had spanish this last semester and it was very difficult.. i failed every test in that class yet i still came out with a C.. how did i do it? well i guess the teacher made it so if u did good on ur homework, u'd pass now.. the homework was ok at first but toward the end it became just as ridiculous as the tests.. but instead of being impossible like the tests.. it was just EXTREMELY time consuming.. how did u get by then james? well the homework was on computer and my computer (i'm very blessed, thank you Lord for my laptop) due to my google toolbar kindly asked me a number of times "we can see that this page is in spanish.. would u like this translated?" mind you this happened out of nowhere for me so i was very happy about it.. it saved me hours upon hours of time translating and deciphering things.. u may think i'm exaggerating but the homework was hard as FCK.. like i went to class the next day after one of these assignments and asked the person next to me what they thought of the assignment last night.. she said "i just didn't even do it" i knew there was no way anyone could have done it.. the only way i did it was because my computer translated everything, so i just laughed and thanked God for helping me do the impossible so that was #1.. what was the seed that was planted in #1? the fact that through technology, (which i am good with) i can perhaps get a leg up in some areas of school now #2. i had a REALLY hard time reading stories for classes this yr.. people don't understand.. and i don't know if i am able to emphasize this enough IT IS BORING TO ME and not like regular boring.. i mean like.. i seriously try and try and try and it is just one of the hardest things for me to just sit and read a boring thing from school.. like literally sometimes i honestly want to cry cuz i want to read and do well so bad but its hard .. i always felt stupid about this but then came #3. #3. is this: i saw a mini documentary on tv about a kid with ADHD aka attention deficit hyper activity disorder now.. i don't believe in that being a disorder.. i don't believe its a drawback or a flaw.. i think people are active and intelligent and i don't think its the people.. i think its the TASKS that are dumb like for example, say i am assigned a reading that generally takes 8 hours to finish then that's 8 hours where i'm sitting in a chair or laying on a bed.. not only that, that's 8 hours of no human interaction.. you see what i'm saying? this is my issue with "education" like u force people to take shortcuts and buy cliffnotes and all kinds of ish because the standards are literally too high and not even practical they promote unnatural lack of activity and unnatural isolation of people like when u look at a commercial for a college it always looks enriching and even exciting.. why? because they show people being ACTIVE.. they show people doing science experiments, or outside with a football, or they show people in fraternities, they show people in clubs and sports and they say things like "hands-on" and ish.. even when they DO show people studying its normally like a group of people discussing ish but when u get to college what is it in reality? YOU SITTING IN YOUR ROOM READING A BOOK ALONE or YOU IN CLASS TAKING NOTES LISTENING TO A TEACHER YAMMER ON here's my point: to say people have a DISORDER because they can't sit still for 3 to 4 hours to me is ridiculous.. when i sit still sometimes trying to study for example.. a lot of times my body begins to ache.. literally my whole body just aches from inactivity or from sitting over a computer keyboard doing homework in a pose like a typing praying mantis or some ish james, whats ur point? my point is.. i don't believe ADHD is a disorder, but to society it is.. and basically when i saw that documentary.. I RELATED TO EVERY SINGLE THING THAT KID WAS SAYING.. so do i think i have ADHD? i'm not going to say yes or no but like i said.. i saw myself in that kid.. i know what he was talking about when he talked about trying to focus but just not being able to one time my dad told me that when he was little, the teacher told him to draw a picture of himself at school, and he drew a picture of himself in a prison and that's what i'm talking about.. its like u almost feel confined or trapped, you don't feel like u can move or do anything.. there's no activity or interaction involved!!! SO.. seeing that documentary on ADHD gave some validity to my issues with school.. it made me feel like.. ok, i have some legitimate problems that other people actually take medication for.. i even self medicate with my own medication which is normally a lot of espresso shots.. it now makes sense why i drink so much espresso.. i heard somewhere that ritalin is basically caffeine but its so strong a dose that it calms people down.. that's basically the same thing i am doing to myself when i drink double shots of espresso.. like i literally sit and fidgit and look out the windows and ish, but if i have espresso i'm a bit more at ease and able to focus NOW.. onto my conclusion i was thinking recently about the kindle.. and then i heard somewhere that kindle has text-to-speech once i heard this then all of the ideas from ^ 1, 2, and 3 all combined to make me really excited if i get a text-to-speech program i can just listen to the reading assignments as opposed to sitting in my room being bored out of my mind!!!!!!!!! so i did a search online and found one, and if u purchase the full version u can encode the audio from text-to-speech to your mp3 player.. which would allow me to listen to books while i exercise or whatever to me this is monumental cuz i really have problems with reading assignments.. like i can do homework for hours and ish.. cuz i actually feel like i'm doing something and making progress or i'm being active.. but the reading assignments they give in school are really fcking boring.. so thank God for text-to-speech EVEN FROM PDF files!!! this is really going to help me to succeed and i hope to continue to find ways to use technology to get the upper hand in school.. (btw i know i said a lot here and i feel kinda bad because its very self oriented to the point of perhaps self indulgence.. but again, i just wanted to get this off my chest.. this is a serious problem i face.. people don't understand the extent of my frustration with school sometimes.. like seriously i am hoping to get radical about finding advantages because i'm tired of struggling with things that everyone tells me should be easy.. ITS NOT EASY FOR ME YOU FCKING KNOWITALL <--- not directed at my readers.. just the people who act like i'm dumb cuz i have issues with focusing and ish)
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JaimsHere are my 2010 blogs. I can honestly say I like looking back over these, so check them out. They're teh hotness. Archives
December 2010
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