This girl I liked I noticed would never really mention her boyfriend around me
Or if she did then she’d say something negative about him, like one of his bad habits or how she was planning to leave him My opinion on this? Its dishonest Someone suggested maybe she knew I liked her and she wanted to spare my feelings Perhaps.. But how would that spare my feelings? To me that is a narrow view I will admit, yes if I like u then I may not want to hear about the fact that u have a boyfriend, but its kinda like getting bills in the mail, u don’t want bills, but u want to keep your phone and electricity going, so u deal with it I may not want to hear this girl I like has a relationship, but in the long run that is much better for me than believing she is single If u downplay your relationship to the person who likes u, and u say your reason for doing that is because “I didn’t want to hurt their feelings” I feel like u probably either #1 have a very narrow viewpoint, or #2 u are a liar.. Because u are obviously trying to keep that person who likes u around to boost your own ego And there’s nothing wrong with enjoying a compliment or enjoying attention, etc.. its just if u are giving a person false hope then u are being selfish and hurtful to that person Its like if u met someone and u asked them “hey what’s ur status?” And they said “well I’m kinda seeing someone” when in reality they were married It’s the same thing Downplaying what u have going But I feel like if u need to downplay your relationship then u are in the wrong one I feel like a person should be proud of their relationship whether it’s a b/f g/f thing or a fiance thing or a marriage thing I believe honesty is the best policy The last girl who liked me, I told her I didn’t want to pursue anything with her because she had too much drama in her life (which was true) But also she had a kid, and when I look back I think I should have told her that also Cuz she may have thought, “if I get rid of some of this drama he will accept me” But in reality nothing she could have done would have made me accept her because she had a kid and I would never date a girl who had a kid so I may have given her a false hope I feel like I did good in that I told her no from jump and stuck to that, but maybe she would have moved on quicker if I also said “and ur daughter is beautiful but I don’t date women with kids” So yeah even I could have done better, so I ain’t sayin I’m exactly innocent of the behavior I’m just saying from my insight today Its way better just to be honest from jump if u want to preserve another person’s feelings Checklist of things u may want to be upfront with: U are in a relationship U are divorced U have kids U don’t like pool boy music (instant deal-breaker)
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on this ice cube song he talked about a freak u can call at 2 in the morning
then toward the end of the song he said he drove by her house at 2:30am but she wasn't there so just by saying she wasn't there, it was also like saying she was out gettin down with another guy.. like saying yeah she is fun for me but she's fun for a lot of other guys too he said all that stuff without saying it.. its like he's saying freaks are fun but be prepared to share that freak if u take it for surface value then u have: 'she wasn't at home' but if u look deeper into it then u have a lesson this is something that sometimes gets overlooked in rap the ability to say a thing without saying it when i was younger i didn't like church.. i couldn't stand church
even today sometimes my parents mock my old saying "i hate church" ok well let me talk about why i wished i could have just stayed home #1. church was boring i don't even need to elaborate on this one.. why would anyone force a kid to sit still for hours like that? church made school look like club med #2. the songs were not good to listen to maybe the songs had good lyrics but i couldn't really tell as they were so loud and non-enjoyable #3. they begged for money we used to go to one church where they'd often take up extra offerings, they would beg and put on a show to get people to put more money in i don't remember it but my dad said one day i said "will someone please give him themoney so we can go?" and he just mental noted that and my dad said one day he saw the preacher signal to someone to go crazy on queue... my dad found us another church right after that because the manipulation became clear #4. everyone in church always had bad breath someone behind u laughs and u ask ur sibling next to u if they farted.. they say no, then u realize that the person behind u has fart-breath and whenever they laugh u get quite a taste #5. people went crazy and i could never relate to that it was like a show, like i would be sitting there and people would be shouting and going bananas and i'd get elbowed in the head out of nowhere.. and i would never even understand why these people were going crazy.. what are they experiencing that i'm not? i would ask myself that.. it just made me feel out of place even more #6. i had to wear church clothes i HATED wearing church clothes.. a lot of kids liked Easter because they got new church clothes, but i didn't care, i hated wearing dress-clothes, i absolutely hated it with a passion i'd come home from church and rip my clothes off and become normal james again.. it felt good to be me again every sunday after church i think that pretty much covers it what i feel about church now is this God placed wisdom guidance and insight in certain people, and places like the Bible, one's conscience, God Himself, church, etc so i don't really dislike church because i find it to be valuable if God places a message for His people (aka YOU) in a pastor then hopefully u'll be there to catch that message i still don't like the songs and i show up late on purpose sometimes to miss them.. i like a good Bible based message i wear whatever i want to church now if people around me have bad breath then i move i do church my way for the most part and if i feel the church is getting out of line in some way then i will go to a different one but basically church is cool with me now as long as the pastor has solid Biblical teaching that i can apply to my life today ya dig? peaCe the band i was inspired by the most i would have to say was insane clown posse
a lot of people have an opinion about them but i have found that many of them don't realize what they are really about see the thing is, they hit me at a perfect time i was just about to give up music when i was about 14 or so.. then i found them and i couldn't believe how great they were i was so bored of music, the only kind of music i liked was rap, and rap-metal was big back then and i liked some of that also (for example: life is peachy from korn) my problem was i was tired of hearing rap always talk about shooting people and selling drugs and cussing in every sentence.. i couldn't relate to anything they were saying and the whole scene just annoyed me.. there was no creativity or originality (this was when the bling era started) then i found icp and it was an alternate universe.. all of their music fit into this imaginary world they created.. the whole thing is like one big vivid image of a place where justice is served and no wicked criminal gets off to save time i'm gonna talk about a few of the main things about icp 1. their music appeals to outcasts in general in high school i was like the only black guy in my whole grade sometimes, so i could relate to that outcast mentality 2. icp is strongly against racism this also appealed to me because i have hated racism for as long as i could remember 3. icp is HILARIOUS i think one of the main ways to get someone to like you is to make them laugh.. if u actually sit and listen to some of their stuff chances are u are going to crack up at some point and listen to it again and again 4. icp is creative one of the most creative acts ever, if not the most creative.. to create all these vivid pictures and make them all make sense and play a part into one 6-album long concept is amazing 5. icp is violent, BUT see, icp is violent in their music but its normally one of two things, its either a funny joke or its justice being served to someone who is evil, like someone who beats their wife or someone who is rich and greedy, or racist, etc. etc. so there u have it, if it weren't for them i would probably have just given up music a long time ago.. i was just so tired of spending $16 on cds with nothing to offer except the beat for the single so they revived my love for music and inspired me a lot, they helped get me through age 14 to about 18 if anyone is curious as to what i would reccommend from them, i think the safest bets would be joker's cards 2-5 which would be ringmaster, riddlebox, great milenko, and the amazing jeckel brothers so icp gets the #1 spot for me, as for runner ups? tricky, dizzee rascal (just boy in da corner), the streets, and eminem i may do blogs about how these artists inspired me later on also. right now i just wanna talk about the first artist i ever liked, enjoyed, and identified with on my own
when it comes to music, the first person i ever really consistently liked was ice cube my parents used to always listen to gospel and i never enjoyed it, like i never understood why people liked it, the music was just always too loud to me.. (and it reminded me of church, which i COULD NOT STAND but that's a blog in itself) even today i kinda feel like if you like traditional black gospel music then u should have the capacity to like hard rock also.. simply because it is loud music, u have a full choir singing and an organ and fast drums.. a lot of that old gospel was just people yelling, and i'm not trying to insult it, i'm just being serious, like if you could yell and still carry a note then i guess u were considered great but my point is, to me it was too loud and just sounded like noise, like i never could tell what they were saying so i was never into anything i was exposed to as a kid.. i honestly used to hate music because i just never liked anything i heard but i remember back in the day ice cube would be on tv sometimes and i always used to like his songs.. like i remember "check yo' self" and "today was a good day" used to come on and i used to love those songs, they just never got old to me.. and then i remember when he came out with "one nation under a groove" i couldn't get enough of it.. i remember thinkin "man ice cube is so fresh!" lol also i used to be kinda chubby as a kid so seeing ice cube (who was chubby also) rock the mic was off the hook to me when i think back, he was the first artist i ever really liked and i liked him on my own without it being forced on me by other people, it would just be like i'd happen to hear one of his songs and i'd love it and wish it would come on again today i still love ice cube and think he's definitely one of the best rappers ever, based on his contributions to hip hop, he's definitely legendary.. those old songs i remember seeing on mtv and bet still hold up to this day peaCe (p.s. this blog may spawn a few other blogs such as "what artist inspired me the most" and "why i hated church as a kid") "common sense just isn't that common anymore"
-dr. phil i'd agree with this statement for the most part today.. it seems like a lot of people live their life based on the ideals of today which are subject to change tomorrow if you want to separate yourself from the rest of the world, i'd definitely say its important to seek and pray for wisdom so that you will be empowered to make different decisions the Bible says wisdom is more precious than rubies word. on king of the hill just now connie the asian girl became a cheerleader and she got some recognition from her peers for the first time
she was like "this is great! i just put on this outfit and all of a sudden i'm.. hey, what's the opposite of invisible?" funny joke, now here's my take on it the same people who dissed u, ignored u, or wrote u off will be the same ones honoring u when u have success kick me when i'm already down lift me when i'm already up if this is what your purpose in my life is, then you have proven yourself worthless fairweather associates frienemies be gone. in a song i wrote in 2005 i wrote:
"got school, got tunes, u can call me two-face/ game-face, play-face, u can call me bruce wayne/" here's the thing.. every person who does music or art feels like they have two totally different lives, a normal life and then a life that is centered around their creative talent/ability the normal life consists of the following: car note insurance boring cubicle job dress code school work the basic feeling is a feeling of restriction the artistic creative life consists of the following: waking up when u want speaking from the heart through a pen, microphone, or paintbrush being hansomely compensated for all artistic efforts getting confirmation that what u have to offer is important, meaningful, and valid through fans and other artists the basic feeling is a feeling of liberation the goal of all creative people is to make it so their creative life overpowers their normal life i'll give a little background on my experience with this .......................... ok for a long time it was tough for me to have motivation for anything other than music it was really hard.. it was like nothing really had any meaning to me other than music and so i attempted to put it before everything else however at about the end of 2007 i began to realize my life wasn't really going anywhere it was kinda like i just woke up a bit and said to myself "music is great but everything is suffering right now.. including the music, so i have to deal with the normal-life side of my life if i want to open up doors for my music, girls, career, school, cars etc." this mindstate helped me to really get things back on track (sidenote: i have gotten sidetracked since then and ish, but right now i'm back to business) so all in all, to anyone reading this who is into art who feels like they have two lives my advice to you is to handle your normal life things so that u can eventually have all your stuff together and be a good procuctive artist with a healthy life if u only focus on your art, your life runs the risk of falling off balance and in my assessment, its just not worth it.. prioritize and plan wisely.. don't let your art be your downfall, move in a way to where it enhances your life rather than controls it, and once it becomes big enough, then u can ride it out but for now, if ur art isn't that big yet, my advice is don't neglect your normal life word on this episode of family matters the grandma told laura she saw this dude laura liked up at makeout mountain with a redhead
laura was like, "that sleezeball!" then carl got up and was like "wait a minute, mom what were u doin at makeout mountain?" and the grandma was like "Carl, don't try to change the subject." LOL!!!!!!!!!! exodus 6:30
(Moses talking to God) "Since I am a poor speaker, why would Pharaoh listen to me?" The Lord said to Moses, "See, I have made you like a God to Pharaoh..." numbers 12:7 (God talking about Moses) "he is entrusted with all my house" Moses was made the leader of God's people, God revealed things to him plainly and trusted him. Moses perhaps was not the best for the job of leader. exodus 4:10 (Moses talking to God) "...I have never been eloquent.. I am slow of speech and slow of tongue" So I was thinking what was it that made Moses stand out to God so much? numbers 12:3 "now the man Moses was very humble, more so than anyone else on the face of the earth." matthew 23:11 (Jesus speaking) "The greatest among you will be your servant. All who exalt themselves will be humbled, and all who humble themselves will be exalted." so there u have it what separated Moses from the pack was he was a humble servant of the Lord and of others in his community so God lifted him to the top food for thought |
JaimsThese are my blogs from 2009. I started them in May of that year when I couldn't work on music but still needed a way to express myself. Archives
December 2009
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